What To Do When You Can't Stand Your Friends Significant Other
It happens to the best of us, your friend starts dating someone and their pure existence makes your skin crawl. So, what do you do when you think your BFF is crushing over a bad match? Take a deep breath, open a bottle of wine and follow these steps ….
5 Things To Do When You Hate Your Friends Significant other:
1. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Before you set out on a mission to remove your friends significant other from the picture take a moment to be honest with yourself. Once you figure out why you are feeling a certain type of way you should let that guide your reaction. Is there a valid reason for you to dislike him / her? Are they shady or disrespectful towards your friend? Do you two have clashing personalities? Before you jump down anyone’s throat remind yourself that having ill feelings towards them because they treat your friend poorly and feeling hatred towards them due to a personal matter are two entirely different scenarios. Let’s take a deeper look into each situation ….
2. Red Flag
Sometimes when we are knee deep in a relationship we become blind to red flags so this is where a true friend steps in. If you have witnessed your friends significant other’s unhealthy relationship behavior or mental, physical, emotional abusive of any kind please say something. I would advise to approach the situation in a calm manner, instead of coming into the conversation with guns blazing and rattling off a list of a million reasons why they should break up, respectfully express your concern and offer your support. Remember that sometimes it may take what feels like a century before your friend sees the light so be patient and control the things you can.
3. The Issue At Hand
If you are feeling sad that you now have to “share” your friends time with someone else make sure you, gently, express that you miss the things you two used to do together. Plan a girls night and enjoy the time when you are together. Balancing a relationship with friends can, at times, be a task so give your friend the benefit of the doubt. If you two are as close as you think you are, she will understand when you tell her that you feel you’ve been put on the backburner. On the flip side, if your icky feelings toward your friends significant other are brewing from jealousy because you are craving to be in a relationship then I advise you to take a step back and indulge in some soul searching. Don’t damper your friend’s fairytale because you haven’t found yours yet.
4. Warning: Advice Ahead
You know those moments when your friend is venting to you about the person they are dating and you want to scream at the top of your lungs, HE IS THE WORST! Don’t. Bite your tongue and bite it hard. Sometimes your friend turns to you purely for an ear to talk to not for unsolicited advice. With that being said, know when to throw in your two cents and know when to keep your mouth shut. If your friend is in fact coming to you for advice, think before you word vomit something hurtful. If you truly despise their significant other be frank with them and express that you are not comfortable discussing them. However, if you feel that you can handle giving advice use this as your opportunity to bring up your valid concerns with your friendships relationship and make sure to reiterate that you have their best interest as heart.
5. Let It Go
Ready for a reality check? This is your friend’s relationship, not yours. If your friend wants to continue to date a total asshole, that’s her MO. You have the power to take the high road and be the bigger person. If the overall situation is making your skin crawl my advice to you would be to take a large step back from it all and ask yourself the tough question of is this friendship worth it? Only you can decipher that answer but what I can tell you is that someone else’s relationship is not worth losing sleep over. Control what you can and move on. You have far more important things to put energy towards!