Just The Way You Are

This past weekend one of my dearest girlfriends from high-school made the trek from Florida to come visit me in LA. Our time together was spent laughing over old memories, taking an overwhelming amount of selfies, sipping on cocktails that broke the bank and diving deep into life’s hard hitting questions.

As we sat there admiring the waves crashing in I couldn’t help but to think about how much has changed since the days that she and I walked the high-school hallways in our plaid uniform skirts yet at the same time how nothing has changed at all.

Change.

Six letters that can either be absolutely terrifying or dripping with excitement. After dropping Carly off at LAX Sunday night I curled up on the couch and let out a thankful sigh. As I reached for a piece of paper to write down a to do list for the week the concept of change crept back into my mind.

We are all guilty of it, right? Tweaking a little something here or there because we think someone else will like us better that way. Tossing our self esteem in a blender of emotions because we are so worried that our opinion or outfit won’t meet someone else’s expectations. Altering our dreams to fit someone else’s mold so that we could live happily ever after together.

I live in a city that every corner I turn there is always someone who is 10 steps ahead career wise, 20 times more beautiful, 30 times more fashionable and 40 times smarter. To be honest, it can serve as a complete mindf#ck. Our instinct is to go into fight or flight mode and quickly change ourselves to fit into what we think will make us more likeable or loveable.

Kind of twisted, right? Why would we ever even consider changing ourselves for someone else? How does that even make sense? Hi, this is me but actually I’m going to transform into someone else so you will truly like me – ok? Uh, no. That completely dismisses the magic of everyone on this earth having their own fingerprint.

I sunk a little deeper into the couch and let out a different sounding sigh. I began to think about the times that I was guilty of modifying myself for someone else and about all the times I witness my girlfriends commit the same crime.

Instead of writing down my weekly to dos I diligently jotted down my thoughts. I wanted to share them with you incase you are in need of a light kick in the ass or a daily reminder. Below are 4 things that I believe you should never, ever, change for anyone. Not a boyfriend, a colleague, a girlfriend, a friend, a family member, a crush. What would you add to the list?

1. Body
Today’s society has done everything in it’s power to brainwash us to believe that appearances are the most important thing under the sun. Breaking news: their not. Living in a city where grandmothers and pregnant women are in better shape then me was a large pill to swallow.

No matter how many miles I run or how many crunches I do, I will always have, what my mother calls, “the Briche hips” oh and my wide shoulders? Yupp, those aren’t going anywhere either. But want to know something really cool? That’s what makes my body, my body.

This isn’t about a number on a scale or a jean size, it’s about taking care of the one and only body you have been given and feeling good for no one else but yourself. Eat your vegetables, do your squats, wear red lipstick and love what you see in the mirror from the inside out.

I now give the biggest smile to the 86 year-old women speed walking next to me because I know that she too loves herself enough to live a healthy lifestyle.

Oh and to the ‘men’ who don’t love every single curve and beautiful imperfection about you please do yourself a favor and walk away, right now.

2. Beliefs
The beautiful thing about beliefs and opinions is that there are a lot of them. The not so beautiful thing about beliefs and opinions is that there are a lot of them.  

You can laugh, that was kind of a joke.

The moment you change your beliefs for someone else is the moment you alter yourself as a person. For what reason? Ask yourself why in the world would you change your core beliefs and opinions just to relate with someone else. You are so much better than that. Stand tall next to your opinions, whether they are “right” or “wrong” is not the issue because guess what? Opinions are not facts or truths but they are your own and having the freedom to share a different set of them is insanely powerful and should never be downplayed just because Suzy Q or Joe Schmoe doesn’t agree with you.

3. Dreams
No dream is too big or too little, purse them relentlessly. Do not settle for less than exactly what you want and never let anyone stand in your way – politely go around them. As you place your feet on the floor in the morning know that you are fierce for chasing your goals and you should never allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. Your dreams are yours, guard them with your life. Surround yourself with souls that are confident that you are a force to be reckon with and will do anything in their power to support you. As for those that discourage you, rest assure that these are the type of the people that make the wave from the top that much sweeter.

4. Character
Maybe if I act a certain way he will fall madly in love with me. I bet if I change my personality I will get the raise I’ve been promised. Maybe if I downplay my quirks than they will accept me into their friend group.

Your personality is what makes you stand out from everyone else in this entire world, why would you want to change that? Your habits are what make you special, your idiosyncrasies are what make you unique and you should never for one second have to change that, any of that, for someone else. If someone does not appreciate you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes for who you are than you know what to do … tell em boy bye *Beyonce voice*

Don’t ever change for anyone other than yourself and always remember that you could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

You are perfect just the way you are,
Chels