This past week I suffered from a life funk. You know what I’m talking about, right? When you are curled up in your bed contemplating every decision you have made, order Dominoes twice in one week, feeling the confusion and anxiety running through your blood stream, over analyzing the next step you are going to make until you feel as if no matter where you put your foot it’s going to be the wrong place. You with me? If so, you aren’t alone. If not, teach me your secret. By the middle of the week my head was already spinning and I had cried for uhh zero reason what so ever (no, not due to PMS thank you very much). Being the best friend that she is, Michelle came over and after dishing out my feelings she looked at me and said, “But Chels, you always have it together. Out of all of us you are the one that knows what she wants and goes for it. Don’t lose that.”
I paused. Inhaled hoping that an exhale would follow and thought to myself, damn. She was right. I am the one that “always has it together” but for whatever reason I was feeling lost. I am a 25 year old woman becoming who was feeling shaky in her own shoes and I didn't know how to shake it off.
Then the universe, per usual, stepped in and took over. One day after work I found myself walking through the doors of Barnes & Nobles. With no book destination in mind I aimlessly roamed the isles laughing to myself because I wasn’t even 100% sure why I was there. Then, just like that, it caught my eye. “ If you have to cry, go outside.” I put my sunglasses on top of my head and held this book as if it had all of life answers delicately written on the pages. As I flipped through my new holy grail 7 words caught my attention faster then Bruce, I mean Caitlyn Jenner’s transformation:
“It’s not a breakdown, it’s a breakthrough.”
That line was all I needed to make me sprint to the register. After a hot shower and applying my white strips I curled up into bed and read page after page until my eyes eventually closed. The following morning I woke up with a much needed pep in my step. Thinking “alright Chels – you DO have it together. Be smart. Be Brave. Trust your timing. Keep kicking ass and don’t stand in your own way.” Honest to God those are the words I said to myself before putting my feet on my wood floors. I didn’t make my dreams become a reality over night or have the next 5 years of my life planned out and color-coded. I couldn’t answer all of the questions that sneak into my head from time to time let alone explain my life experience up until this point. However, I snapped out of my funk, refocused my goals and went back to eating a salad for lunch (RIP thin crust pizza). All joking aside, we all need to stumble a few times to remember how to walk with purpose again.
Now the point to all this is not to endorse a book – you all can read or not read whatever your pretty hearts desire. My sole purpose for writing these words is for you to know that you aren’t alone. Whether you are currently enduring a big life transition by graduating from college, moving to a new city, mending a broken heart, searching for a new career or simply having one of those days where you let fear and the unknown control your thoughts, know that with each breakdown your a step closer than you were yesterday.
With confidence and trust,
"Dreams won't always take you on a straight path to destiny, but they're usually related to what your soul wants for you. They'll force you to ask yourself the hard questions, they'll kick your ass, and most importantly, they'll turn you on….sometimes, if not most of the time, you find out who you are by figuring out who and what you are not." - Kelly Cutrone