You Should Know This Before Saying "I Do"
Since our diaper days we have consumed the notion of finding prince charming and living happily ever after. Our kindergarten hearts swooned over Aladdin’s love for Princess Jasmine and John Smith’s heroic efforts to win over Pocahontas. All was fun and games until we grew up, switched out diapers for barely there underwear and day dreamed about having a Cinderella white horse and carriage fairy tale story of our very own.
I love a rom-com that pulls at your heart strings as much as the next hopeless romantic does and if we are being honest, I cry when watching The Notebook even though I’ve seen it easily 20 times. The thing is, those are movies with well thought out scripts that takes a crew of hundreds to execute. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble but real life relationships are not always as seamless and full of rose petals like those that we see on the big screen. Between movies, social media and masked stories I feel like, some, women make the mistake of brainwashing themselves to think that once they find a man that they will feel whole inside and all will be right with the world. If you are that woman, I’m sorry but I 110% disagree with you. You could come across the most perfect man on this planet but if you aren't happy with yourself and where you are in life then guess what? It's not going to work.
In the spirit of being your own before you are someone else's I wanted to share pieces of my personal relationship experiences. I am by no means a relationship guru nor do I hold the key to any life secrets. I am, however, intrigued by relationships and want to continue to empower women – no matter what life stepping stone they are standing on. With that being said, here are 4 things you should know about yourself before you say those two words, I do.
Say the following words out loud: compromise is a vital part of a successful relationship. Are you the type that quivers at the idea of “being wrong?” How do you react in give and take situations? Do you avoid confrontation at all cost? Day in and day out you will come face to face with compromises within your marriage. Some days it could be as small as who is going to take the trash out and other days it could hold a heavier weight if you are going to move to another state for your spouse. To save all the unnecessary arguments, sit yourself down and identify and reflect on what end of the compromise spectrum you fall on keeping in mind the end goal is for you and your partner to reach a mutual understanding of each other’s viewpoints.
2. Love Language
One of the best things I have done to date in my relationship with Robby was learning both of our love languages. Since we all express and feel love in a magnitude of different way it’s crucial to recognize and understand how both you and your partner receive and give love. This also falls hand in hand with communication style as it’s all a trickle effect. Knowing each other’s verbal triggers and how to make them feel most loved is key. For more information on the five love languages and to take the quiz click here.
3. Passions and Interest
Let’s review the notion of being your own before you are someone else’s. You know all those things that you loved to do before your man got down on one knee? KEEP DOING THEM. Ya’ll, listen to me. I have seen so many friends get into relationships and in the blink of an eye they roll their hobbies up into a pile, tie a bow around it and chuck them out the window. Do. Not. Be. That. Girl. Your passions, your dreams, and your interest should be yours regardless of your relationship status. The second you let those things slip away from you is the second you say goodbye to personal growth and hello to a suffering relationship. You will become so unhappy with trying to fill the void where your interest once stood that your relationship will take a toll.
4. Your Reason For Getting Married
When you close your eyes and picture your future, what qualities are present? Are you chasing after a future purely because you feel like you’re the last single person on the planet or are you looking at wedding dresses because you truly could not picture your life without this person as your other half? What does the blessing of marriage mean to you? Your self-awareness is being called to the front and center, pay attention to it.