Let me live.
It’s finally that time of the year again: the countdown is on for finals to be over / work to be out. You can already taste your moms home cooking and hear jingle bells in the distance. The sight of white lights and the smell of pine trees make you feel all sort of cozy inside. Oh and how could I forget the vital missing piece of going home for the holidays … being bombarded with questions from every family member / neighbor / grocery store clerk. So, before you make your packing list and check it twice please give me your undivided attention as I pass onto you a “Holidays At Home Survival Guide.”
Warning: You may be blind sided with a question that is not listed below. I have faith in you that you can think on your feet and pull out a sassy answer or trust that you took a few moments to locate the nearest exit.
1. “Aw honey, why are you still single?”
Well Aunt Carol, honestly, this world is full of fuck boys so it’s not going well but thank you oh so much for asking.
2. “How is school / work going?”
This question is a given so you might as well start to practice saying “fine” with a big ole grin on your face.
3. “Your mother tells me you have been very busy these days, what have you been up to?”
If you are asked this question I hope that flashing lights and loud bells go off in your head. Even though the above question was asked ,what they are really asking is, “why haven’t you called?” Suggested response: talk really fast and list off all the things you have done in the last week and then end it with …”so yeah, just a little busy”
4. “How were finals?”
If you are still in school and want to walk over to the nearest wall and hit your head against it when someone seriously looks you in the eyes and asks you that question, do it. JUST KIDDING. Do not, do not do that. Instead, Hit em with a “Eh, not so bad. I mean, alcohol can help you get through anything, am I right?”
5. “Do you have any plans over break?”
Yes, big plans. Going to sit on the couch with my high school girlfriends and talk about everyone that we used to walk the hallways with. Besides that, sleep in past 7AM and play with my dog.
6. “So what do you want to do again?”
Oh cool, that question doesn’t already haunt me in my sleep or anything. Be prepared; this question will follow you from holiday party to holiday party so might as well have fun with your answer(s) Suggested response: “I aspire to have a Kim Kardashian life, you know … being paid for breathing.”
7. “How are you doing, financially?”
I’ll take 100 bucks, please.
8. “Do you think you’ll marry him? He’s so cute!”
Is your relationship at that point where the family is acting like a bunch of hungry hyenas chomping at the bit for your man to get down on one knee? Suggested response: we will move forward to the next chapter when it is right for us.
9. “How is your brother / sister?”
Great, he/she is right over there in the corner – you should go talk to him/her!
10. “Do you think you’ll ever move back home?”
Hm weird, my crystal ball doesn’t seem to be working, I’ll keep you updated.
Ah, aren’t the holidays the most wonderful time of the year? Don’t worry friends, I will be right there with you, dodging questions right and left and trying to hold down my word vomit. Also, for the fun of it, comment below the craziest or most obnoxious question that you get asked. We can all laugh about it together!
All kidding aside, I hope each and everyone of you have the most wonderful holiday and remember that (most) of the questions are coming from a loving place and that we should be thankful to have those in our life who take the time of to ask.